I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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