I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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