i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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