I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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