I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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