we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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