Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
