I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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