hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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