Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
