My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
