I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
