You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize