he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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