Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
