somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
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