I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
