i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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