Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
