yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
