Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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