I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
