Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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