dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
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