So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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