Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
