Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
