Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
