Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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