i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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