another moral hangover. fuck.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
