if i can run in heels then i can drive
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize