Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
