Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
