i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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