and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
