I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
