Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
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Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
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