Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
