I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
