I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
