The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
