and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
