it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
