My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
