halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
