dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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