honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
