and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
