Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
