seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm sobbing to NWA
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
