you would pick up someone in the library
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
