A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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