I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
