i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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