ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
