coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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