he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
