Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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