Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
