if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
