How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
