Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
All the doctor said was why
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
