somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
