Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
