WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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