tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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