Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
