I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
