Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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