Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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