I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
