So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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