Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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