I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i came on her dog
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
