i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
