Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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