That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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