found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I need to calm my uterus...
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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