Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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