I can tuck mytits in my pants
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
they're like a gay fantastic four
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
