Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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